Lindsay fell asleep in the car shortly afterwards, her head resting against the window. She’d crumpled up a sweatshirt of Jess’ to use as a pillow. It smelled like him, a mixture of detergent and the faint scent of cigarettes. As she stirred she found it strangely comforting to awaken to.
It was pitch black out. As the car sped past, she caught the words “Welcome to Springfield” on a road sign. Yawning, she looked over at Jess. “Where are we?”
“Illinois.”
Lindsay frowned. The furthest she’d ever been away was Virginia. The thought what am I doing flashed through her mind again. Then the image of Dean’s flushed face and wrinkled shirt flashed past her eyes and she had to bite her lip to make the pain go away.
She bit harder than she intended and could taste blood. Caring was beyond her now. The physical pain she could deal with, it was the emotional pain that was chipping away slowly at her.
“What was that?” She saw a flash out of the corner of her eye. Swallowing hard, she looked over at Jess, hoping that her panic hadn’t been blindingly apparent to him. She had a feeling he looked down on weaknesses.
“Lighting.” Of all the one word responses he could have given her, “lighting” was the worst he could have given her. Anything, “terrorists”, “UFO’s”, anything but that. Not lightning. Lindsay pulled her knees up under her chin, closing her eyes, but she could still see it, feel it.
Jess heard a slight moan as the distinct sound of thunder rumbled through the car. What now, he thought bitterly. He was already regretting every mile he rode with her next to him. He glanced over at her and that’s when he realized that this was more than just a simple fear.
He pulled over to the side of the highway and turned to her. Lindsay’s face had gone completely white, whiter than he though a human being could look. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her face contorted.
Awkwardly, Jess reached out to touch her shoulder. “Lindsay?”
She jumped slightly, then looked at him with frightened brown eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I,” she gulped, “I’ve always had this phobia of lightning. I know it’s stupid but,” she broke off with a sob.
Silently, Jess reached out and pulled her to him, letting her cry on his shirt once again. It was beginning to become a pattern. That was it, he promised himself. They’d stop for the night and before she woke up, he’d get out of there. He wasn’t going to be Lindsay’s tissue another day.
Once Lindsay started to cry, she couldn’t seem to stop. All the tears she had been holding in all day came flowing out. Jess held her for a moment and then turned the car back on.
“We’ll stop here,” he said, nodding towards a neon “Motel” sign in the distance. Lindsay nodded and pulled away, leaning back against the seat.
***
“You must think I’m crazy,” Lindsay whispered across the room. Jess had been asleep for an hour now, but she couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened in the car. She was falling apart. She was the Leaning Tower of Pisa after someone took a large sledgehammer to it.
Never once in her life had Lindsay expected to be divorced before her twentieth birthday, but what else could she do? Taking Dean back wasn’t an option. In her book, that was the unforgivable sin. What small amounts of trust and happiness there had been left in their marriage was gone.
Why had he married her? Why had he stood in front of all their friends and family, pledging to love her forever when he obviously didn’t care about her at all?
Thunder crashed softly in the background, and she tried not to make any noise. She shivered, even though she wasn’t cold. It was a ridiculous fear, but one she’d never been able to shake since her childhood. Like a small child, it seemed as if something was out to get her when there was a storm.
She was surprised Jess hadn’t tried to ditch her by now. According to the things she had heard in town, running was something he did well. He knew nothing about her, he had no reason to be helping her. Yet, he was letting this strange girl that he probably didn’t like very much follow him across the country.
Even when she blubbered all over him, he didn’t seem phased. That was strange. Jess had this whole “tough guy” thing going on, yet he didn’t flinch at her pain.
Dean got mad at her when she cried.
A bright light illuminated around the window’s shades, and a deep boom followed it soon after. Lindsay closed her eyes but she couldn’t help a small noise from escaping her lips.
Jess heard her whimper and saw her small shadow shudder on the other bed. She was terrified. The girl wasn’t afraid of him, despite all the things he knew she’d heard about him, but she was scared of a little thunderstorm. Ridiculous.
He expected to be annoyed at her fearfulness, but he wasn’t. Maybe because he was genuinely starting to care about what happened to her. Maybe because she was the first person he’d met in a long time who didn’t seem to be judging him. She didn’t care if he hadn’t graduated high school, or whether or not he was wasting his life. Her eyes didn’t hold disappointment whenever they looked at him.
Instead, she accepted him for what he was. A screw-up who was just as broken as she was.
He got up and walked to the other double bed, easing himself down beside her.
“What are you doing?”
Jess ignored her confused whisper as he slipped under the covers. Putting one arm around her waist, he spooned her to him. “You shouldn’t be alone if you’re scared,” he whispered back.
It wasn’t because he cared, he told himself. This was a necessity. The sooner she fell asleep the sooner he could creep out of the hotel room and get away from here, and her.
But as her breathing became slower and steadier Jess felt himself drifting off, and he didn’t fight it. Not because it felt good to hold someone. Not because he cared. Because he didn’t. He wanted to make sure she was okay, but he didn’t care about her. She was just a problem he had to take care of before he got home.
He supposed California was home, or the closest thing he had to home at the time. Sasha always made a point of telling him that he was always welcome back, so why not take advantage of the offer? Lily would be thrilled to have someone to bug again. She played the “little sister” part well.
As he began to fall asleep, Jess held onto Lindsay tighter. Most of all, this wasn’t because he was lonely. She might need him, but he didn’t need anyone.